Monday, February 3, 2014

The quiet energy of observing

Chamulan family
Zinacantan family



















The last few days of this is trip, like almost all trips, is bittersweet.  I've met some interesting people I would never had had contact with and been to places that give me a glimpse of another life, but simultaneously I'm ready to go home and see how I can incorporate the liberty I've had here. I like traveling alone.  I love traveling with Carlos, but I appreciate how different it is alone... from how people approach me, to the quiet energy of observing.

This is the trip and time I needed for the next phase of my life.  Retirement sounds so permanent but it just may be the phase that is more liberating.  I don't have much to prove to others.  I'm exploring what I put on hold and revising it to accommodate knowledge and interest acquired during the first two phases. I thought I would be going through an informal school, learning and filling in gaps.  But the gaps aren't wide right now.  I want to use what I have and focus on being present.

My friend, Marcella, sent an email about appreciating life and it put a tear in my eye.  There is nothing more precious than seeing what's in front of me and accepting and enjoying the moment.  I know this. You know this. But it's so difficult to remember when there are beds to be made, birds to feed, lessons to write, students or patients with demands, wheelchairs to be fixed.  That's the difficult part. Being present is always easier outside of your comfort zone. It often takes a trip away from home to look and act upon home.

I met a couple who have been traveling for 3 years. They stay for 2-4 months and then move on. They buy nothing that they can't carry for they don't have a permanent home.  That's not me. I like permanence even if it's temporary.  I like a home...whether it's a house in SF or a VW bus. I need to hang photos and fabrics on walls before I'm comfortable, even in hotel rooms, offices or classrooms.

I'm looking forward to today for it will be another day of exploring the Orchid Garden, saying hello to Citlali (a new teacher/artist friend I most likely will know in 10 years), buy some macadamien nuts from a kid with a cart who will take a hammer and hit the bejeebees out of them to break the nut, stop by the textile museum again, wander through the market, buy some inconsequential item from a street vendor that I don't know at the time that I will treasure for years to come, take lots of photos, squirrel away time to write, go to my favorite bakeries (yes, that's multiple of course), and end my day by skyping with Carlos.

And my first day in SF, I want to look forward to that day as well.

Thank you so much for reading my wanderings.  I have a true need to write and knowing that someone is reading it inspires me to look deeper. So thank you.
Hasta pronto-
Susana

Sent from Chiapas with a slow internet connection